Meaning
by Jomellie
Summary: A little fragment about Elliot's childhood. Rated for safety.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the fanfic idea.  
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"Elliot, what is up with you getting these demerits? All the time, you bring them home, I don't know where this is coming from!" Bernadette Stabler said.

A 9-year old Elliot looked at his mother. She was now in the verge of tears. He felt horrible. He knew if his mother saw the demerits, it would set her off. She just got done fighting with his dad.

"Mommy, I'm sorry," Elliot said, putting his hand on his mother's arm.

"This is the third time you got a demerit!" she said. She started to cry. She walked away from him and sat on the sofa. She put her face in her hands and began to sob.

"I really am sorry," Elliot said, trying to get his mother's attention. She ignored him, she didn't even lift her head.

Elliot felt helpless and terrified. It was times like this when he was absolutely horrified of his mother. It was like she didn't care about him or anyone anymore. Whenever his mother was normal, it felt bittersweet. He knew she wouldn't always be like that, and those moments were rare.

"What is going on here?"

Elliot turned his head. His dad came in stomping the living room. He took a look at his mother, then him, with a vicious glare.

"What did you do to your mother, huh?" he said. He put his face close, and Elliot could smell his tobacco breath.

"Nothing…I got a demerit," Elliot said. His legs were trembling.

"For what?" he asked.

Elliot didn't want to answer.

"For what? Tell me, you little shit!" his father asked, slapping him hard across the face. It stung.

"F-for talking b-back to the t-teacher," Elliot said. His nose felt hot and he felt his eyes watering. His heart was thumping.

"What did I tell you about respect?" his father screamed. He pushed Elliot back. He fell backwards into the wall, hitting it hard. Elliot felt his face, tears were running, and his back hurt like crazy. His dad started coming towards him, when his mother grabbed him.

"Let go of me Bernadette!" his father said, as he tried to pull free from her grip.

"Don't you dare hurt him!" his mother screamed, pounding her fists against his father.

"Bernadette, let go!" his dad said, and elbowed is mother backwards.

Then everything fell silent. Elliot looked at his dad, who looked straight at his mother. She was on the floor, staring up at the both of them.

"You!" she screamed as she pointed to his father, "Stop trying to rule this house!"

Then, she turned to Elliot.

"And you!" she screamed, "You're the cause of this mess!"

Elliot took a few steps back. His heart felt heavy, and he never felt a harder hit in his life. It was like a blunt pen stabbed him several times in the chest.

"You had to come home with demerits! You had to, you had to, you had to!" his mother screamed. She stomped over to him.

"What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you?" she said, "You're going to kill me Elliot!"

Elliot felt himself crumble up inside. He ran upstairs to his room, and sat in the corner. He felt as if everything was numb. He felt that if he cried, he'd melt all his troubles away.

He sat there for a long time, watching his floor. Watching the shadows change, waiting for time to pass.

Sometimes, when his mother would go through episodes, he didn't know if she loved him. It felt like everything was fake, because he knew his mother would always end up acting so strange. She'd apologize, but to him, it was beginning to lose meaning. He didn't know who his mother was. He didn't know if she was real.

He heard footsteps. It was the same old tiring repetitive thing happening, like always. She'd apologize, and it would sound so sincere. But Elliot didn't know anymore. He knew it wasn't her fault, but he really didn't know if his mother meant everything she said.

"El," his mother said, as she stood by the door.

He looked up at her.

"Baby," she said, her eyes red, "I'm so sorry, you know that right?"

He kept looking at her.

"I didn't take medication, I wasn't myself."

Elliot could practically recite the apology.

"I'm really sorry, baby, I love you."

She sat next to him and held him in her arms. She buried her face in his hair.

"You know how hard it is? Raising a family with this?"

She began to cry. So did Elliot.

"I love you, I love you so much," she said.

As cold as it was, Elliot wondered if she meant it.


End file.
